Tuesday, July 17, 2007
deep thoughts (and an introduction)
as far as i know, i do not have cancer. i hurt for anyone who does, but i am especially sad to see a young mother fighting such a horrible disease. it is the most unfair. if you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know i am a christian. in fact, some may even call me pretty radical. i am not one to have a 'jesus lives' bumper sticker or anything like that, or even one to have the (sort of) subtle fish sticker for that matter. i don't really advertise my faith in any kind of way, because i have never been comfortable with that and also because, honestly, i usually find it obnoxious. i feel that faith is a private matter and not a show and if you have to tell someone who you are with a bumper sticker than maybe you need to work on who you are. okay, maybe that's too harsh. i'm not saying you shouldn't have one of those bumper stickers. if that is you, well then be you, but it is not me. when i am in a real conversation, i think people see who i am and what matters to me and that is how i like to share things like faith. lately i am feeling it is something i want share more loudly. (i don't know, maybe i am on the road to getting one of those aforementioned bumper stickers? yikes :) this year i have certainly learned that it is your beliefs that define you...yes, that is what i think...i think you are defined by what you believe. when hard times come, the real you, your depth, your heart is revealed. i think it can even surprise you to find out who you truly are, and it may surprise the ones around you too. do you know that on the night my nephew died unexpectedly and unexplainably in his sleep, i talked to my brother on the phone? right in the middle of our conversation he just stopped and started yelling at God. i was surprised, but i didn't blame him. he was experiencing every parent's worst nightmare. but what shocked me and what still shocks me is what my brother was yelling at God. he was screaming, "thank you." he said it over and over again. "thank you, God. thank you for giving me a son." i know my brother really well, but that is not what i expected to hear him say that night. he kept telling me how grateful he was to God for blessing him with such a beautiful little boy. whenever i think about that i cry. i will be forever amazed by those words at such a tragic moment...thank you. that night i found out who my brother really is and i am so proud to be related to him. and i wish attitudes like that were genetic. a few months ago i began reading a blog and found another person who has blown me away with a positive attitude and impressive faith. her words are so raw and so real that i wanted to share it with anyone who hasn't yet heard of it, and you know, it is over the top "jesus lives," but it is not a show, it is not hypocritical, it is not obnoxious, it is the true heart of a mom who has brain cancer. her name is heather. i hope you find her as amazing as i do. she and my brother are such inspirations to me. i only hope my own faith is big enough.